Tuesday, July 20, 2010



Now, that can be such a heavy word.

After a meeting went wrong, I sat down in the driver seat of my car, feeling like my life was been driven out of control. Oh, yeah, I would have loved to 'take charge' but sometimes, you look back at your life and wonder how you came to be where you are.

That was how I felt.

I looked to the sky and thoughts filled my mind.

I wondered why evil seems so powerful in the world. Having read about how so many of the rich, powerful and famous have occultic ties, or became linked to clandestine activities or compromise, I wonder why the basic necessities of life do not come easily to men so that evil can be easily shun.

I have heard tales of people selling their souls for wealth, for fame, for influence. Why was wealth hard to get in the first place?
Why do people who pursue God, many times, have to face tough, rough times that test their faith and make compromise alluring when they are already trying so hard to please God?
Why does it appear that while the devil seems to be bent over backward to grab the soul's of men by appealing to their senses and with things they desire and even need, God seems hard to get a handle on, prayers are not always answered and even Christian leader would give a second thought when it comes to banking their lives and decisions COMPLETELY on scriptural principles - and I do not mean rhetorics or idle lip service as we always see.

Speaking to a friend of mine, he confided in me, talking about the struggles he had been having in his life, how he had been fighting to stay away from sin, how he had been trying to find and align with his purpose. He went on to say he wondered if in the quest for money to simply get by, he had lost it along the way.

I said what I could but I did not believe I had the right words to say.

The Bible says God is not interested in the death of sinners and yet while media, economy and politics roil and foul the soul, as shiny sensuous music and art are spewed forth on a daily basis, greying the lines of right and wrong, what the God-chaser is left with many times is with burdensome religion, controlling dogma, impractical cliches - depression, loneliness, lack, confusion, as they scavenge for the crumbs that life gives


They (like a million others) may just give in to compromise, bribery, greed, loss of self, loss of purpose, loss of natural affection as they become cold corporate clones, high-classed prostitutes, 'flexible' business people giving into immorality, corruption, unnatural affection and compromise - to make ends meet, to climb up the corporate ladder, to cinch business deals, to get ahead...to survive.

Till they become whited sepulchers.

So I looked to the sky and thought of God and wondered if he played chess with the lives of men. Some live and some die for reasons we don't understand. Job's life made sense in the long run after so much trauma. BUT beyond the lessons (which I don't fully grasp) I still ask myself why?

Why did Jesus have to die? Why did he have to go through all the pain and suffering and beating?
I know the quick reply may be, to save us from our sins - but was there no other way?
There is the quote, without the shedding of blood, there is no remission for sins' - then why blood?
Why not water or plant sap - why did it have to be blood? Like someone said, why does God seem obsessed with blood?
Life is in the blood, says scripture, you reply - but God is life and he has no blood, I counter.
Well, there are things we don't understand, you say.
But we have the mind of Christ, I reply.
I know, you begin, but, you see...

I watch you from across the room seeing your mouth move, but my ears hear nothing because my thoughts are far away.

Why did God have to make earth if he knew more people would end up in hell than in Heaven? Why must torment be eternal - and though it is said to have been just for the devil and his buddies, now men are in the mix, how come that doesn't change anything - and did he not know from the beginning some men were going to disobey anyway?

Why make Adam if he was going to fall and land us all in trouble? And if the perfect man fell, how are we supposed to stand when we are created fallen for 'in sin did our mothers conceive us!'? Why are many scriptural prayers not answered?

David said, I have never seen the righteous forsaken or his seed begging bread.
Well, I have.

I have seen good people wilt from cancer, fervent prayers offered and they still died anyway. Seen humans melt in flames, butchered for no reason, watched with my eyes as a 10 year old kid was set ablaze, fire on his hair as he cried, looked at the cameras and said "God, why?" I have seen babies turn away from dried breast, crying because there was just no milk, seen poor tribes wilt to the bone for lack of food.

My concentration is broken as I hear a rap on my window. I look to the left and wear a "mask" over my face, hiding my emotions. I have no more money to give the beggar outside the car. I have given all my spare change away and I have bills to pay and I cannot tell him to shoo off - and yet, I cannot smile, and yet I cannot whisper hope because I do not know the right words to say - and the lights just turned green. So I drive away, my heart heavy, knowing that I am not the only one in the world that is having a messed up day. I remember a family friend who had kids that had gotten used to no food...they learnt that sleep helps. These kids were barely 10.

So why doesn't a 'God of love' make it any easier?

And if it's all so messed up, maybe God is not so good after all, maybe there is no divine plan, maybe we all just fool ourselves with this whole 'god' business.


Well, I still believe.

I still believe in God and I know whom I have believed.
Someone sang a song a long time ago and said "If I suddenly woke up and find out that you are not there anymore, I'll still believe you Lord"

I thought it was a daft song or a song not well thought out.

I still think so.

If there is no God, then there is no God, but if there is 'evil' in the world, then we can call it evil because there is an inbuilt compass that knows there is an 'other' way of acting or thinking...a good way.

If there is life, it started from a source or initial trigger or it would void Newton's law of inertia. There had to be a kick-start to life or all form would have continued to be in a state of rest. Also, the scientific basis for the formation and continuity of life shows too much evidence of design so that Genesis 1:1 is a loaded gun that millions of books cannot HOPE to cover fully.

So there was a start.

Now, if there was such COMPLEX design, then, LOGICALLY, there was a plan. One doesn't create COMPLEX design without a plan. Well, when I heard someone was doing a major degree studying the cell, I laughed. It seemed too small, then I found someone else was doing a Ph.D focussing on the MITOCHONDRIA, a unit within the cell.

So let's call this designer "the higher other", the "light", the "source" - and other nifty titles.
Well, since it's a free country, I'll call Him God - I'll save JAH for later.

It's a big jump but I'm going to just talk from the perspective of the Bible because discussing it's validity is a whole lot of other articles, but THIS God is GOOD.

Now, if God is good, then WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY...and all the other WHY's.

This is my answer.

Prove that for any operator A, E||^=Tr(AA^T), Highlighting where Tr denotes the trace help. 

Er...what is that?

That's a quantum physics equation I looked around to get. It's very helpful for me (and hopefully for you) to be faced with stuff that tells us emphatically: You don't know much.

The amount of knowledge one has determines the decisions one makes. The one who has more knowledge has a difference in perspective from the one who has little.

It is in the same way that God knows why because he has answers and understanding that we don't.

In his wisdom, he has given us choice. Now, you can sit down and get angry about why the knight on the chess board moves L-shape, or you can ask the Grandmaster and board maker 'what do I do now?'

Some pawns will be lost. Depending on the unique play of your life, maybe your knight...WHAT! He just let your queen get captured - but you MUST trust that He knows the end from the beginning and combine that with FAITH that He is Good.

And perhaps, now you understand God's reply to Job.

It was

"Prove that for any operator A, E||^=Tr(AA^T), Highlighting where Tr denotes the trace help. 


Trust me!"


  1. Nicely written! I saw your comment on my blog and wanted to come over and take a look. I am very impressed with your writing but more impressed with the fact that you are not afraid to tell the truth.

    You asked about linking your blog with mine. I would be honored.


  2. Thank you for visiting my blog...and I would be very honored if you linked it with yours.
    I agree with what Eric wrote, it is refreshing to read blogs/articles written by someone who isn't afraid to speak truthfully.....to write without the "religious mask" that hinders authentic relationship...and to write with authenticity in your journey...keep writing!!!

  3. i saw your link on another blog & i must say this was absolutely beautiful!! it was so deep yet so simple &it's refreshing to hear the words of someone who seems to be a true Christian. keep up the wonderful work & God bless you for sharing the truth with others.

  4. Hmmm! this one reminds me of how I felt while I struggled with doing a post on the story of Ananias and Sapphira on my blog(http://blog.tee-akindele.com/looking-for-grace-in-the-story-of-ananias-and-sapphira/)... Everything bores down to the fact that nothing can separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus.

    The sincerity and honesty in your sharing is striking, thanks again.